you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
