Everything about him screamed your future.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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