I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
