sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
