I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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