This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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