a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize