I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
one two three fourrrrnication!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
