@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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