I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
