how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
