..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
