you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
