I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
