uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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