Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
