this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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