I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
