his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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