she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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