dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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