when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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