Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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