you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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