Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
