we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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