Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
