i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
