Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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