why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
