just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
