@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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