I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
They have beer where we have blood.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
