Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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