Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
