My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
