yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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