ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
