Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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