Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
