Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
