so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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