i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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