he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
try to milk me bitch
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
