One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Actions speak louder than pants.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
