Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
