considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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