Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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