Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Send help, water and tortillas.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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