oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
As shirtless as possible
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
