Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
