Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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