I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
