wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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