how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
