chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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