ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
