yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
