i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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