if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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