My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
