She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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