Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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