You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
