every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
