I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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