Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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