So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
