Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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