the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I believe in your delicious
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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