Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
