WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
