will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
