Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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