My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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