I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
