Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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