oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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