When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
