Barsexuality is the new black.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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