So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
